My choice is made?
I went to my family doctor's on Friday to get the copy of the ultrasound report that I need to make an appointment with the women's clinic.
The reports says "There is a single live intrauterine gestation. The crown-rump length of 4.4 cm corresponds to a gestational age of 11 weeks 2 days. No obvious anomalies are identitfied at this early stage. No adnexal masses are seen."
This is what the month and some waiting was all about. I really don't understand doctors and their red tape. I have an appointment with the women's clinic on Friday at 8 am, where they will set the date for the abortion. Their message says a week to two weeks after this appointment is when they set the date depending on how far along you are, so things are working much faster now.
I haven't called the young boy yet to see if he wants to go, like he really wants to. It's not like he helps or anything he's just someone to drive me there and home. The women's clinic doesn't let the "support" person be involved in the counseling appointment they just sit in the waiting room anyways. It would be just the same if I went by myself but I think he should have some part of this whole nightmare even if it's just going to these appointments with me to make me feel better. I guess I should call him I know that he won't have any excuse not to go, it's not like he has to work at the bar at 8 am.
I went through about a week of thinking I would keep the baby after my ultrasound appointment. I was convinced that it was the best thing and that I could do it myself. For about 4 days then I realized that I would have to do it all by myself for 20 years. I realized that I would have no one to rely on for help just as I am alone now facing this decision I would be alone to handle my life and someone else's without screwing it up forever. The overwhelmingness of it all has kind of changed my mind back to having an abortion. I wonder if people who actually have children think about and consider every angle as much a I have. I can't imagine anyone having kids if they analyzed it this much.
I just wish someone could tell me what to do.
I keep thinking I will tell my mom and see what she thinks. I know if she supported me in having the baby and was willing to give up her retirement years of relaxation (not that she gets much with my sister) that I could handle it. If she was willing to babysit when the time came for me to go back to work it could be done. I just can't ask her to do this though, how selfish it would be to expect my mother to take this on, to make this huge sacrifice?
Every day on the bus I see single young mom's and their babies. Did they think about it this much before they decided to keep them? Are they the selfish ones or am I?
Does anyone know the answer to these questions?
Some days it seems like I switch back and forth a hundred times between keeping and not keeping it. I always said that I was pro choice but I would never want to have to make that kind of decision and it's true. I really don't want to make this decision at all. My little bit of logic that helps me is that if I really wanted to and should keep the baby that there would be no decision to make. I think if I was supposed to or really wanted to keep this baby that I would have somehow known from the very beginning and there would be no choice to be made. I figure that if even sometimes I think I shouldn't or can't have the baby then my choice is already made.
The reports says "There is a single live intrauterine gestation. The crown-rump length of 4.4 cm corresponds to a gestational age of 11 weeks 2 days. No obvious anomalies are identitfied at this early stage. No adnexal masses are seen."
This is what the month and some waiting was all about. I really don't understand doctors and their red tape. I have an appointment with the women's clinic on Friday at 8 am, where they will set the date for the abortion. Their message says a week to two weeks after this appointment is when they set the date depending on how far along you are, so things are working much faster now.
I haven't called the young boy yet to see if he wants to go, like he really wants to. It's not like he helps or anything he's just someone to drive me there and home. The women's clinic doesn't let the "support" person be involved in the counseling appointment they just sit in the waiting room anyways. It would be just the same if I went by myself but I think he should have some part of this whole nightmare even if it's just going to these appointments with me to make me feel better. I guess I should call him I know that he won't have any excuse not to go, it's not like he has to work at the bar at 8 am.
I went through about a week of thinking I would keep the baby after my ultrasound appointment. I was convinced that it was the best thing and that I could do it myself. For about 4 days then I realized that I would have to do it all by myself for 20 years. I realized that I would have no one to rely on for help just as I am alone now facing this decision I would be alone to handle my life and someone else's without screwing it up forever. The overwhelmingness of it all has kind of changed my mind back to having an abortion. I wonder if people who actually have children think about and consider every angle as much a I have. I can't imagine anyone having kids if they analyzed it this much.
I just wish someone could tell me what to do.
I keep thinking I will tell my mom and see what she thinks. I know if she supported me in having the baby and was willing to give up her retirement years of relaxation (not that she gets much with my sister) that I could handle it. If she was willing to babysit when the time came for me to go back to work it could be done. I just can't ask her to do this though, how selfish it would be to expect my mother to take this on, to make this huge sacrifice?
Every day on the bus I see single young mom's and their babies. Did they think about it this much before they decided to keep them? Are they the selfish ones or am I?
Does anyone know the answer to these questions?
Some days it seems like I switch back and forth a hundred times between keeping and not keeping it. I always said that I was pro choice but I would never want to have to make that kind of decision and it's true. I really don't want to make this decision at all. My little bit of logic that helps me is that if I really wanted to and should keep the baby that there would be no decision to make. I think if I was supposed to or really wanted to keep this baby that I would have somehow known from the very beginning and there would be no choice to be made. I figure that if even sometimes I think I shouldn't or can't have the baby then my choice is already made.
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