Ultrasound
I went for my ultrasound yesterday. Young boy went with me, well he drove me and waited in the waiting room for me. They do the same ultrasound for all pregnant women so I got the same treatment the happy mothers to be get. I guess it's my fault I didn't say "I don't want to look as I'm just here for the pre-abortion ultrasound". So I looked and got a picture to take home, the young boy didn't want to look at that either. I don't know how to do pictures here so I can't show everyone the little tiny baby.
It's so weird, it's only as big as your thumb but it's a tiny baby with arms and legs wiggling all over, it was doing somersaults when she let me look at it.
I made an appointment on Friday to get the results from my family doctor and next Wednesday for the pre abortion counseling when they set the date for the actual operation.
I don't have any words for how I feel I just shouldn't have looked at it I guess.
My best friend's second baby is due any day now so I spent all Monday hanging out with her, gave her a pedicure and foot massage to help keep her mind of the waiting, I've been calling every day since but no action yet. She went to the doctor yesterday which was her birthday and she is 3 centimeters dilated so it should be in the next week. I have guessed it's a boy and in all the baby guessing I've done I haven't been wrong yet, they want another girl but I told them I am not wrong get ready for a boy. I was the first person she told besides her husband as I knew that they were trying for the second and I was there the day she took the pregnancy test, so it feels like she's been pregnant forever.
I am really excited but think it will be kinda hard to hold her new baby then run off to have mine killed. There is nothing else to do though life is hard, decisions are hard. You make them, and then you live with them. I have no choice but to do this with my eyes wide open knowing exactly what I am doing. I am not sure this is something that I will ever be able to forgive myself for.
If only this and if only that keep going through my head as I look at the picture of my tiny thumb baby that I am planning to kill.
Kind of depressing posts these days kiddies, sorry to be such a downer.
It's so weird, it's only as big as your thumb but it's a tiny baby with arms and legs wiggling all over, it was doing somersaults when she let me look at it.
I made an appointment on Friday to get the results from my family doctor and next Wednesday for the pre abortion counseling when they set the date for the actual operation.
I don't have any words for how I feel I just shouldn't have looked at it I guess.
My best friend's second baby is due any day now so I spent all Monday hanging out with her, gave her a pedicure and foot massage to help keep her mind of the waiting, I've been calling every day since but no action yet. She went to the doctor yesterday which was her birthday and she is 3 centimeters dilated so it should be in the next week. I have guessed it's a boy and in all the baby guessing I've done I haven't been wrong yet, they want another girl but I told them I am not wrong get ready for a boy. I was the first person she told besides her husband as I knew that they were trying for the second and I was there the day she took the pregnancy test, so it feels like she's been pregnant forever.
I am really excited but think it will be kinda hard to hold her new baby then run off to have mine killed. There is nothing else to do though life is hard, decisions are hard. You make them, and then you live with them. I have no choice but to do this with my eyes wide open knowing exactly what I am doing. I am not sure this is something that I will ever be able to forgive myself for.
If only this and if only that keep going through my head as I look at the picture of my tiny thumb baby that I am planning to kill.
Kind of depressing posts these days kiddies, sorry to be such a downer.
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